I've just spent the last 24 hours with my Friend W/ Benefits. We've been working this 'not a relationship' for 5 months or so now and it's been kind of perfect. I'm not at a point where I want to be seriously involved with anyone... it's too little too late right now... I don't want my plans derailed or put on hold any longer...
Obviously, due to the frequency of our trysts together I've been totally honest with FWB about my plans... his first instinct was guided by his machismo and he offered to be the known donor. We've spoken at length about that but it's not an option. He's ultimately a good guy and I don't think he'd be able to just walk away from it... plus he doesn't want kids... then if something happened to me what would he do? He'd feel obligated to take this child who probably wouldn't know him very well... so anyways... a mountain of reasons why not to take him up on it.
Today though he asked me how the plans were going along and I told him that yes indeed, this is the month it begins. He has decided that at this point he needs to stop sleeping with me as he doesn't want there to be any doubts in his mind as to the paternity of the child... he feels that no matter how safe we are from this point in he will still have this bit of worry. I totally understand and I know it's for the best but I'm a bit disappointed.
Who knows if he will waver... we plan on still hanging out and doing stuff together but to stop short of sex. I hope that he doesn't back off completely because he has become my guy bestie and confidante...
I never in a million years dreamed that trying to conceive would mean that I'd have to stop having sex!! What a backwards world I live in right now...
I guess I'm lucky to have had the past few months... being with him has made me more positive that this is what I need to do and I've had a lot of fun along the way... hopefully this drought won't last long and then I'll be able to have it all... baby in belly and sex on tap again in a couple of months...
Wish me luck!
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