My internal testicles.

I'm in full swing... been injecting my poor belly daily for 11 days now.  First day was scary... I was so scared to do something wrong but thanks to the power of Google I was able to find a video that wasn't confusing.  Now I'm a pro.

The shots at the start (follistim with menopur) aren't bad at all... you barely feel them.  Side effects were minimal for the first 10 days... then they added Cetrotide to stop me from Ovulating early.  It stings after you inject it and it's a much bigger shot... goes bright red and lumpy!  Today was my last day of that which is when they informed me that it is a lot less uncomfortable if you ice the area down first for 5 mins... OMG... night and day... was so much easier today and didn't feel as though I'd been stung by 100 wasps... (just 2!)  So remember that tip if you ever need it!

Yesterday I had a meltdown at work over something very trivial.  I'm usually a pro at checking my problems at the door.  My boss smelled a rat and wanted to know if I would like to talk about it.  I told her (sobbed more like) what I'm doing, about how irrationally hormonal I feel and that I've no control over my tears apparently.  She was so relieved and happy!  Amazingly supportive... so now I no longer have to worry about taking time off for the retrieval or anything else that may come up.  I've been there for 5 years and gone through a lot in that time and never cracked... she actually found it quite amusing... particularly as I'm mortified that my emotions are so close to the surface right now!  

I'm glad that's out in the open... meanwhile I feel like I have two giant testicles inside me that are thumping their way out... which is good news as it means that my follicles are nice and big and my ovaries are stretching.  I look slightly pregnant and sucking in my poor bruised stomach is not an option.

Still doing acupuncture... last shots today... triggering tomorrow and the retrieval on Thursday.  I remain scared but also excited to get this show on the road.  

I hope it works, i.hope.it.works, ihopeitworks!   

Moving Forward...

I've been quiet because I've been in a holding pattern and have been coming to terms with the fact that the journey to conception is not going to be as easy as I thought.  

I made appointments with two IVF clinics so that I could select the one that was the best fit for me.  I ended up cancelling the second one because I loved the first one so much and also because they wanted me to FAX everything to them.  They refused to accept scanned and emailed documents.  I told them that I got rid of my Fax machine in the 90's and wasn't about to get one now... I don't even have a land line and have tried to turn my PC into a fax machine before with no success.

I digress... my chosen clinic made me feel really good about everything.  They weren't daunted by my strange Uterus... just said that they'd only transfer single embryo's.  He's happy with my numbers, doesn't put too much credence in AMH and said that there was no need to do PGD.  Said that the cost doesn't outweigh the risks or the benefits.  Fine with me.

I had to take out financing because I've blown through my savings and didn't have the extra 8000 hanging around that I needed to make this happen.  

I didn't have to take birth control pills which I was so happy about as they've never much agreed with me - started on Estrace about a week ago and currently awaiting my period (due yesterday.)  So typical that it would be late when I'm normally clockwork.  Wondering if it might be the Estrace that's set it back?  Once it arrives everything sets in motion... start Follistim and Menopur injections and then the monitoring etc.

I'm nervous... all my eggs are in this basket so to speak and I'm petrified that it will fail...

I keep telling myself one day at a time... it's all I can do.  So my fingers and toes (but not my legs) are crossed... I'll update a little more now that something is happening.