I'm in the final stretch of the two week wait... I'm timing it from the 2nd IUI (I had back to backs.) This would take me to Wednesday... thing is that AF is due on Thursday so rather than take a test and doubt it, I am hoping to have the resilience to just wait til Thurs (or Fri) if it doesn't show.
I don't feel significantly different to usual. My boobs are always sore at this time of the month so that's not a new symptom... I do feel a little more emotional but that can easily be explained away by the stress that I must be feeling somewhere within for doing this... I've had an on and off ache in my stomach ever since the IUI's but I'm guessing my body didn't like being breached and that's just the side effect of it. Lastly I have been very tired the past few days... napping every day. Again, I explain this away because napping makes time go faster and I tend to become more tired when I'm under emotional strain.
Thus, in my brain = not pregnant.
Last night I went out and had a couple of glasses of bubbles with a friend... I let him pour red in my glass after that but I only pretended to sip on it... I didn't want to push it. Now, I know a lot of people don't know that they're pregnant, (my friend C. had a tequila fest a few days before she found out and she seems to be doing fine!) however, I can't knowingly do it! My friend wasn't suspicious as I'd told him I was going to do a bit of a cleanse for a month or two this year so he just thought it was that. It feels so weird to be acting as though I might be pregnant whilst feeling totally normal. Not that I need to drink to have a good time but I would have definitely enjoyed a glass of red with my entree and perhaps a cocktail to finish the night. I've never been a huge drinker... 3 drink limit and that only once every couple of weeks but I did miss it yesterday!
One cool thing about this 'I might be' stage is that I'm pulling out the tight dresses and rocking them. I figure I should enjoy my svelte figure while it lasts and wear that dress that might bring me a little extra attention. I am really appreciating being 'thin'. It sounds silly but who knows if I'll ever get my body back to how it is now... I've never had to think about weight before and have always said that I'd embrace pregnancy as it will give me a feeling of what it's like to be bigger bodied. I stand by that still... although I'm a little scare of the boob expansion!
That's all today... although if you're reading this I'd love if you'd follow me - even anonymously. I see people are stopping by and I have had the odd comment here and there but it would be nice to have just a few people brave enough to follow me so I know I'm not talking to an empty room all the time. Put a sort of face to the numbers.... no pressure.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Health Insurance
On March 1st my health insurance kicks in... Yay Obamacare! I've been able to afford a great policy which I'd never have been able to afford before. It covers a lot and has a small deductible/max out of pocket/whatever. Hallelujah!
Initially I had thought that nothing I was about to do as a Single woman trying for a child would be covered... now I have been told that all monitoring and medications will be paid for by the health insurance company. Of course the IUI's will come out of my own pocket but it's kind of comforting to know that next month I can get a little monitoring. (I've been planning next month since my 1st IUI as I'm still in denial this could have worked.)
So, if this month is a no go then I'll be doing day 3 testing and finding out if I have many eggs left and all of that fun stuff... Still saying no to drugs until I've done 3 rounds on my own.
Another benefit to health insurance that will save me money is that I will most likely just be filled with Mr Handsome once a month instead of back to backs.
On another note I went to get my progesterone levels checked yesterday and it came back great... a 16 which would more than promote a healthy pregnancy... again, that's with no drugs. I wasn't sure if it was 100% necessary but I was just interested to see what it said more than anything. It was a hell of a day. The RE office is an hour away and whilst I was there a huge snow storm blew in... was only meant to be a dusting. My car is no good in the snow and I usually don't drive it in such weather conditions... wiped out driving 20mph in a straight line and hit the barrier... ugh. Just when I thought I'd stretched my finances enough too.
The RE tried to get me in for a BETA test in a week but I refused it. I said I'd wait for my period and that would be my BETA test... if it fails to come then I'll take a home test and come and see them after 1st March! Trying to be as Zen as I can about the whole 2ww. It feels so unreal... like being pregnant couldn't possibly be an option. At the same time I cried 3 times yesterday and usually I only cry about once a year so I guess it's getting to me in the deep downs.
One more week to go... tick tock.
Initially I had thought that nothing I was about to do as a Single woman trying for a child would be covered... now I have been told that all monitoring and medications will be paid for by the health insurance company. Of course the IUI's will come out of my own pocket but it's kind of comforting to know that next month I can get a little monitoring. (I've been planning next month since my 1st IUI as I'm still in denial this could have worked.)
So, if this month is a no go then I'll be doing day 3 testing and finding out if I have many eggs left and all of that fun stuff... Still saying no to drugs until I've done 3 rounds on my own.
Another benefit to health insurance that will save me money is that I will most likely just be filled with Mr Handsome once a month instead of back to backs.
On another note I went to get my progesterone levels checked yesterday and it came back great... a 16 which would more than promote a healthy pregnancy... again, that's with no drugs. I wasn't sure if it was 100% necessary but I was just interested to see what it said more than anything. It was a hell of a day. The RE office is an hour away and whilst I was there a huge snow storm blew in... was only meant to be a dusting. My car is no good in the snow and I usually don't drive it in such weather conditions... wiped out driving 20mph in a straight line and hit the barrier... ugh. Just when I thought I'd stretched my finances enough too.
The RE tried to get me in for a BETA test in a week but I refused it. I said I'd wait for my period and that would be my BETA test... if it fails to come then I'll take a home test and come and see them after 1st March! Trying to be as Zen as I can about the whole 2ww. It feels so unreal... like being pregnant couldn't possibly be an option. At the same time I cried 3 times yesterday and usually I only cry about once a year so I guess it's getting to me in the deep downs.
One more week to go... tick tock.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
My first IUI... Swim Mr Handsome Swim!
It has been done! My first IUI experience is behind me! It was a little earlier than I expected it and I definitely had that 'oh shit, this is really happening' moment but I worked through it.
I'd not been expecting my LH surge for another 24 hours so in fairness it was only a day ahead of time... I had been using the Clear Blue digital OPK's and of course they changed the way they worked in January. Instead of just showing your two most fertile days they now tell you four. The almost fertile days blink and the most fertile days the smiley face stays solid.... got it? Right.
So on Monday I did 2 tests... both showed the blank circle. Tuesday morning I woke up early and peed and the face stays smiling and solid... I took a deep breath and called the clinic to tell them to defrost Mr Handsome and get him ready for me... then when I hung up I saw that the face was still inanely smiling at me...uh oh... on previous tests the face vanished after 10 mins. It had been an hour. Cue moderate panic. I ran and got a different type of OPK from the local CVS and checked that... those two lines are so hard to interpret but my best estimate was 'nearly fertile'.
I can't afford to be wrong on this! That equates to a thousand dollar mistake! I called Clear Blue. I explained the situation and asked what their advice was. Turns out that when they changed the tests they also changed more than just the new flashing smile feature... now when you're at your most fertile, the smile stays there for the full 48 hours... then it goes away ready to be used next month...
Phew! (but also a bit creepy.)
I was good to go. I do wish they'd explained this on the box however... would have saved me sweaty palms/brow/armpits!
So off I went to the clinic... was taken care of by a lovely nurse who was very sweet about it being my first time... she talked me through everything... I just experienced one spasm/cramp as she went into my cervix and then it was over. Laid there for 10 mins, she kept me company and chatted... wished me luck and then I left.
Went for coffee with another trier whom I met through SMC which was so needed. It's hard as I don't have anyone to talk to who has been through anything even remotely similar... I haven't made 'friends' in the forums yet so other than a couple of close friends I'm choosing to go through this on my own until there's something positive to tell.
Today I went for my back to back IUI (they do 2 per month.) I took a friend (the doula) and I'm so glad as todays nurse was far more clinical and unfriendly... and rough! I've had mild cramps since having the first one so it actually didn't make any difference when she went into my cervix today but it was a lot more uncomfortable than yesterday. Not that I'm complaining... it's a small price to pay and Mr Handsome gave me good numbers (26 & 22 million!)
It's so weird that this invasive, unpleasurable act might produce my first child! I'm so glad to live in an age where this is possible... I'm so grateful but also my mind is boggled... I feel like this child will truly be a miracle...
and so begins the two week wait.
I'd not been expecting my LH surge for another 24 hours so in fairness it was only a day ahead of time... I had been using the Clear Blue digital OPK's and of course they changed the way they worked in January. Instead of just showing your two most fertile days they now tell you four. The almost fertile days blink and the most fertile days the smiley face stays solid.... got it? Right.
So on Monday I did 2 tests... both showed the blank circle. Tuesday morning I woke up early and peed and the face stays smiling and solid... I took a deep breath and called the clinic to tell them to defrost Mr Handsome and get him ready for me... then when I hung up I saw that the face was still inanely smiling at me...uh oh... on previous tests the face vanished after 10 mins. It had been an hour. Cue moderate panic. I ran and got a different type of OPK from the local CVS and checked that... those two lines are so hard to interpret but my best estimate was 'nearly fertile'.
I can't afford to be wrong on this! That equates to a thousand dollar mistake! I called Clear Blue. I explained the situation and asked what their advice was. Turns out that when they changed the tests they also changed more than just the new flashing smile feature... now when you're at your most fertile, the smile stays there for the full 48 hours... then it goes away ready to be used next month...
Phew! (but also a bit creepy.)
I was good to go. I do wish they'd explained this on the box however... would have saved me sweaty palms/brow/armpits!
So off I went to the clinic... was taken care of by a lovely nurse who was very sweet about it being my first time... she talked me through everything... I just experienced one spasm/cramp as she went into my cervix and then it was over. Laid there for 10 mins, she kept me company and chatted... wished me luck and then I left.
Went for coffee with another trier whom I met through SMC which was so needed. It's hard as I don't have anyone to talk to who has been through anything even remotely similar... I haven't made 'friends' in the forums yet so other than a couple of close friends I'm choosing to go through this on my own until there's something positive to tell.
Today I went for my back to back IUI (they do 2 per month.) I took a friend (the doula) and I'm so glad as todays nurse was far more clinical and unfriendly... and rough! I've had mild cramps since having the first one so it actually didn't make any difference when she went into my cervix today but it was a lot more uncomfortable than yesterday. Not that I'm complaining... it's a small price to pay and Mr Handsome gave me good numbers (26 & 22 million!)
It's so weird that this invasive, unpleasurable act might produce my first child! I'm so glad to live in an age where this is possible... I'm so grateful but also my mind is boggled... I feel like this child will truly be a miracle...
and so begins the two week wait.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Almost there
My first IUI is just a couple of days away now and it can't come soon enough. I just want to get this first try over with. Honestly I'm keeping my expectations low as I've had no medication and no monitoring... When I read others blogs and forums it seems that everyone's had 3 day testing, ultra sounds... they know the length of their follicles and other such information overload.
I know nothing other than that I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours or so and then I will go for my IUI's.
It's not like I've been doing nothing to promote healthy chances of conception... in fact I've never been busier! I went to an ayurveda lady and thus I am now taking aloe vera juice, drinking Ojas tea (made with organic, homemade ghee) every morning, giving myself pre-shower massages with food grade coconut oil & doing at least 5 mins of breathing exercises a day.
On top of this I am of course taking my pre-natal vitamins, drinking raspberry leaf tea and taking Royal Jelly once a day (It's disgusting FYI).
So yes... hippy route for the first attempt and then next month I'll try acupuncture and hit my health insurance with a little monitoring. No meds for me til the 3rd try (which hopefully I won't need!)
I'm nervous and excited... Everyone I've told has been supremely supportive and excited for me... not one shred of judgement.
Having said this I've not told many people... I don't think it's anyone's business but my own and I've no idea what I'm going to say when (if) I do become pregnant and start to show... I guess I'll cross this bridge when it happens... I wish I knew other people going through this at the same time as me.
So I'm wishing myself luck and hoping for a miracle on the first go...
I know nothing other than that I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours or so and then I will go for my IUI's.
It's not like I've been doing nothing to promote healthy chances of conception... in fact I've never been busier! I went to an ayurveda lady and thus I am now taking aloe vera juice, drinking Ojas tea (made with organic, homemade ghee) every morning, giving myself pre-shower massages with food grade coconut oil & doing at least 5 mins of breathing exercises a day.
On top of this I am of course taking my pre-natal vitamins, drinking raspberry leaf tea and taking Royal Jelly once a day (It's disgusting FYI).
So yes... hippy route for the first attempt and then next month I'll try acupuncture and hit my health insurance with a little monitoring. No meds for me til the 3rd try (which hopefully I won't need!)
I'm nervous and excited... Everyone I've told has been supremely supportive and excited for me... not one shred of judgement.
Having said this I've not told many people... I don't think it's anyone's business but my own and I've no idea what I'm going to say when (if) I do become pregnant and start to show... I guess I'll cross this bridge when it happens... I wish I knew other people going through this at the same time as me.
So I'm wishing myself luck and hoping for a miracle on the first go...
Sunday, February 2, 2014
F. W. B. Perhaps a little TMI.
I've just spent the last 24 hours with my Friend W/ Benefits. We've been working this 'not a relationship' for 5 months or so now and it's been kind of perfect. I'm not at a point where I want to be seriously involved with anyone... it's too little too late right now... I don't want my plans derailed or put on hold any longer...
Obviously, due to the frequency of our trysts together I've been totally honest with FWB about my plans... his first instinct was guided by his machismo and he offered to be the known donor. We've spoken at length about that but it's not an option. He's ultimately a good guy and I don't think he'd be able to just walk away from it... plus he doesn't want kids... then if something happened to me what would he do? He'd feel obligated to take this child who probably wouldn't know him very well... so anyways... a mountain of reasons why not to take him up on it.
Today though he asked me how the plans were going along and I told him that yes indeed, this is the month it begins. He has decided that at this point he needs to stop sleeping with me as he doesn't want there to be any doubts in his mind as to the paternity of the child... he feels that no matter how safe we are from this point in he will still have this bit of worry. I totally understand and I know it's for the best but I'm a bit disappointed.
Who knows if he will waver... we plan on still hanging out and doing stuff together but to stop short of sex. I hope that he doesn't back off completely because he has become my guy bestie and confidante...
I never in a million years dreamed that trying to conceive would mean that I'd have to stop having sex!! What a backwards world I live in right now...
I guess I'm lucky to have had the past few months... being with him has made me more positive that this is what I need to do and I've had a lot of fun along the way... hopefully this drought won't last long and then I'll be able to have it all... baby in belly and sex on tap again in a couple of months...
Wish me luck!
Obviously, due to the frequency of our trysts together I've been totally honest with FWB about my plans... his first instinct was guided by his machismo and he offered to be the known donor. We've spoken at length about that but it's not an option. He's ultimately a good guy and I don't think he'd be able to just walk away from it... plus he doesn't want kids... then if something happened to me what would he do? He'd feel obligated to take this child who probably wouldn't know him very well... so anyways... a mountain of reasons why not to take him up on it.
Today though he asked me how the plans were going along and I told him that yes indeed, this is the month it begins. He has decided that at this point he needs to stop sleeping with me as he doesn't want there to be any doubts in his mind as to the paternity of the child... he feels that no matter how safe we are from this point in he will still have this bit of worry. I totally understand and I know it's for the best but I'm a bit disappointed.
Who knows if he will waver... we plan on still hanging out and doing stuff together but to stop short of sex. I hope that he doesn't back off completely because he has become my guy bestie and confidante...
I never in a million years dreamed that trying to conceive would mean that I'd have to stop having sex!! What a backwards world I live in right now...
I guess I'm lucky to have had the past few months... being with him has made me more positive that this is what I need to do and I've had a lot of fun along the way... hopefully this drought won't last long and then I'll be able to have it all... baby in belly and sex on tap again in a couple of months...
Wish me luck!
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