Silly me. I thought I could get through this whole trying to conceive process with a calm, centered, stress free interior... whilst it's continued on the exterior (I excel in outward calm,) my brain is going crazy. Here's why:
I'm now 9 days post IUI and I feel totally the same... more normal than normal... I've stayed true to my goal and not googled any symptoms... other than the odd twinge here and there, there have been no symptoms. I just feel like nothing's going on in there.
At my RE appointment for the results of my day 3 testing she was happy with all of my results except for my AMH which she said was low at a 0.25 I didn't really know what this meant but asked if there was a need for medication and she said that at this stage she didn't think that would be necessary. She sees no reason why I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally and suggested I do 4 or 5 unmedicated cycles and see what happens...
4 or 5??!! There's no way I want to go through this that many times... Of course I googled the AMH level and discovered that it's worse than very low... even with her assurances that everything else is good I still find my mind obsessing over this one area that my body's failing... My brain has jumped to IVF options (thanks to a friend who went overseas for hers, I feel that this is in my budget now if it needs to be.) I've also booked myself in for an HSG if this cycle fails... that'll eliminate another potential problem area.
So now I'm taking Maca powder, royal jelly caplets, eating sunflower seeds, leafy greens, drinking Ojas milk with extra tumeric... whatever I can do to improve the health of my dwindling eggs...
Whilst on one hand I'm getting through this 2ww pretty easily I think it's mainly because I am already believing in its failure and planning for the next attempt... I really hope I'm wrong but visualization techniques have totally eluded me since my RE visit on Tuesday. I followed it with acupuncture however which is good for de-stressing but didn't seem to help this time!
I'm so scared that this is going to go on forever with no result... that I've forsaken my dream because I stayed with the wrong guy for too long and then waited around for the right guy for even longer. I wish I'd started doing this the month after we broke up... and more than anything I long for the day when this is behind me and I start life anew with a mini-me who will go on to rule the world!
Not much to ask really is it?
Still have my fingers crossed that you get a BFP...you never know, some women don't feel any symptoms and some feel a ton.
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