I have been standing on this diving board for about 3 years now. It was never a question of if I will jump but more so of how & when I will do it. Only when I am on my diving board am I able to shut out the noise of others and truly hear my own voice. I know that when I jump the landing may not be perfect, or even as planned but I am sure that I will descend safely and that the fear will be outshone by the reward that awaits me down there.
I always knew I wanted to be a parent... as a teenager I watched a documentary on "The dying rooms of China" and from that day on would inform my Mother that I had plans to adopt a child and conceive a child the traditional way.
I was never the Queen of relationships, never one to settle... preferred the single life to the struggle I witnessed among my friends and their significant others... then finally I met the guy worth stopping for... I shared my parenting desires with him and he seemed to be on the same page... fast forward 4 years and I finally had to concede that his fear of life would never render him able to parent... so there I stood... closer to 40 than to 30 with a big decision on my mind....
"I'm going to do it on my own."
But how? And when? And is this weird?
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