Last day of being pregnant!

Can you believe that it's here?!  My final day of being pregnant has arrived....

What a ride it has been... my little flipper was breach the entire pregnancy until I hit 32 weeks when he miraculously flipped to put himself in the perfect position for a vaginal birth.  I was so happy and immediately changed hospitals to one with a great reputation for low intervention natural birth (not to mention it was closer to my home also!)  I fell in love with the midwives and started studying hypnobirthing.

Then, at 36 weeks he flipped back to breach! 

I've tried acupuncture, Mayan abdominal massage, crawling around my house on all fours, off the couch inversions, icing my belly to encourage him to move his head away from the cold...  nothing has worked... so I'm now scheduled to have a C section at the new hospital (tomorrow morning.)  The warmth of the staff there radiates reassurance and my fears are a lot less than they were a couple of months ago.

So I am bidding farewell to this pregnancy which has been the most amazing experience.  As I've mentioned before I've had it easy.  My main gripes were food aversions and rib pain... then towards the end painful feet that led me to have to stop work at 36 weeks.  No longer was being on my feet without a break for 8 hours working out for me.  The scorching humidity has been tough but everyone around me is suffering... its' nothing that a day at the beach couldn't take care of (although I wasn't able to do this as much as I liked.)  The friendly movement inside my belly has now become a little tortuous albeit still reassuring.

I have learned that the reason it's hard for pregnant women to move, no matter the size of their bellies is because they have a human splint down their torso that makes it impossible to bend down, lean forward (or breakdance if they were so inclined.)  I have gained a little under 30lbs and can say it's mostly belly, butt and boobs.... but still, carrying extra weight is no joke!!  Particularly in 100 degree weather. 

I will miss my bump, the smiles and the kind words from strangers that I receive every time I leave the house.  I will miss the wonderment of watching my stomach contort into an ocean of movement... of feeling like my chair is being  hit from beneath when it's me who is being kicked from within.  I will miss the daydreams, of being able to take my little everywhere with me. 

I will not forget the enormous gratitude I have to the universe for finally making my dream of pregnancy come true... for ending the way I would feel after countless failures and trying to resign myself to giving up on being a Mother.  Of laying in my bed at night and wondering what it would feel like to build a life inside of me... I will not forget my years spent believing I was infertile.  I hope that my struggles help someone else reading this one distant day to keep on going... to choose being broke and happy over money in the bank, fun vacations but an empty feeling in your heart. 

I know that having children is not for everyone and I've spent long weeks envying my friends for whom the idea having a child is akin to their worst nightmare... I wished that my life felt as complete as theirs so clearly is without this weight upon them.  I still have so much respect for those people..as I do for anyone who knows what they want and lives it.

So tomorrow I will hold my little boy in my arms and the future will open up to us in brand new ways... my belly will deflate as my heart inflates... my story is over but it has also just begun.