NTT AKA BFN

Acronyms annoy me for the most part... I don't know why exactly but you'll never see me writing LOL.  I'm more of a haha girl.  Onomatopoeia's are more up my street... so thus, if you should see me writing things out in full don't be surprised. I make exceptions for IUI/OPK but anything that involves emotion... BFN, IMHO... I'll just be writing them out and feeling them as I type them.   Thus the title of today's blog is a one off.  Don't get used to it.

I digress... the point is that my first try at IUI, was a fail.  Am I a little disappointed?  Of course.  Did I shed a tear?  Not a single one.  In truth I knew it was a long shot... It was the attempt that got my toes wet and taught me what to expect for future try/tries.  

This is what I've learned:
  

• My body is a vessel not to be trusted and may present me with symptoms that trick me.  For example; cramping stomach, extreme fatigue, occasional shooting pains in uterus area. 

• I'm a good waiter.  I didn't do a home pregnancy test until day 14 and the only reason I did it then was because that was the day I would have gone for my beta test.  It was obviously negative so it squashed 75% of my hope.

 I've also realized that I probably would have fainted if it had worked.  This would have been followed by extreme panic and a lot of pacing.  Instead, the lack of success of my first IUI has given me a more tangible confidence in the quest for a child on my own.  I don't know exactly how to explain it but I now know, in a way that I hadn't a month ago just how much I want this.  That little edge of fear that followed me around has evaporated... if this works, I'm going to be just fine.  More than that... I'm going to be ecstatic!  


My plan of action for this month is to go for day 3 testing, get some acupuncture and try to stomach royal jelly again.  I'd like to get some monitoring but it doesn't look like I'm going to get an appointment with my RE before I ovulate so I'm not sure if I can make that happen.  I feel a little like just relying on the OPK's is a long shot but I'm not prepared to examine my cervix and I've never monitored my temperature... also heard it wasn't that useful.  I'd like to do more to get the timing right... I guess I'll talk to the nurse that does my blood work tomorrow and get some suggestions.

Is it strange that I think the 12 day wait to get into the 2 week wait is worse than that 2 week wait itself?  At least during that time I know that I have done what I can and just maybe something is happening.  Right now I am in overdrive trying to work out what more I can do and just wishing myself into ovulation... at least I can enjoy a glass of wine or two tonight I guess.