Getting started...

Once I had decided to choose to try to get pregnant via a donor I was instantly overwhelmed with how to do it.  I googled but it wasn't much help (or I wasn't googling the right thing.)  I never thought to look for blogs... luckily through the Foster parent agency I was put in touch with 'Janet' and she gave me the name of the place she'd been inseminated at.   She'd had a great experience and it was run by women which is a definite plus in my opinion. 

Did I tell you I don't have health insurance???  It turns out that at this stage in the game I wouldn't really benefit from it too much anyways... health insurance companies don't have much empathy for women until they've been trying for 6 months (and are in a relationship/marriage.)   I've done everything so far out of pocket so I'll tell you costs in case you're interested... skim read if you're not.  I'm also putting things in the order that it's easiest to do this without using health insurance.

Stage 1
Get to know your cycle.  Buy fertility kits.  I use the clear blue ones, they're expensive but accurate.  Even though I thought I knew my cycle I was surprised that I was a day or two off on what I assumed were my fertile days.  Monitor your LH surge for at least a couple of months.  I have heard of people examining their cervix and taking their temperatures but I haven't done this either.  Don't forget to keep a record of your cycle.  I use an app - iperiod.

Stage 2
Book an appointment with your doctor and get tested for EVERYTHING... HIV, Chlamydia and basically every sexually transmitted disease you can think of.  Also ask them to check your thyroid and your CMV status (Important when choosing donor - but only if you're negative... 85% of people are positive so don't worry if you are!)  Finally if you don't know your blood group type then ask that too...   I went to a means tested clinic and the visit cost me $40.  The lab charged me $300 for all the tests but I'm paying it off monthly so not a big deal.  Make sure that they mail you a hard copy of your results so that you can take it to the midwife/clinic where the insemination will be done.

Stage 3
Research and find a place that will do the insemination for you and book an appointment.  Midwife offices are helpful but I went to a center for Infertility.  Initially the Doctor wanted to put me on fertility drugs, give me a thorough internal exploratory examination, ultra sounds etc... until I explained my lack of health insurance and my unwillingness to put unnecessary drugs into my body.  I want to give myself the opportunity to do this without fertility drugs for the first couple of attempts... then we can talk!   Luckily she was very sympathetic and kept testing to a minimum... cost of visit $300.   The center has storage onsite which means that you can have the sperm sent to the clinic in advance without having to worry about timing everything with your LH surge.  That takes a lot of the worry out for me... if I have a stressful month (as infrequently happens to me) and surge 4 days late - no big deal.  


Stage 4
Book appointment with social worker (free!) to make sure that you're a good parent candidate or something.  (Don't you think everyone should have to do this before having children?)  This proved to be very informative... what a lovely lady.  She had so much information on blogs, support groups and more importantly - sperm banks.   She also told me I should consider my 'friend with benefits' as an option too.  I disregarded that... he knows what I'm doing and has no desire to be a parent.  

Once you've done all this you're ready to choose a donor!  It is actually not as overwhelming as I thought it would be... I have just taken a LONG time to get here because for whatever reason I wanted to exhaust every opportunity to do this the conventional way and to put my own mind at ease with my decision.